Before anyone else asks. Yes I am in Florida. and No I am not down here partying. I am down here enjoying visiting my older sister and her family. To me that is better than any party.
Ok so I have been a little out of it lately. Between finals and then leaving two days later for a ten day trip to florida it isn’t always easy to keep up with this. I want to though. I would really like to blog more. But I guess I am not good enough with motivation. *sighs* I need to get better at time management in general let alone being motivated to do things.
Life is interesting. I enjoy my life I truly do. Do I have everything I want? Nope. Will I ever? I doubt it. But I am happy and content for now. I do want a few more things. I want to be at a good place health wise. Not tiny. Most people dream of the perfect size. That dress they want to get into. Not me I want to be a healthy BMI. A place where I can be confident in the fact that tomorrow I wouldn’t have to worry about shaving my legs and getting an infection.
That is how I almost lost my leg two years ago. It was due to an infection just from shaving my legs. It is a big deal sometimes. As a Diabetic you have to reevaluate everything you do, eat, and when you eat. Everything is a new adventure and it used to be very, very, very difficult for me to handle it. After the last few months of hard work and experimenting I am finally handling this well and able to keep my health and body under control. But when my health is more under control that lets my mind run wild.
Honestly some days I am not 100% sure if I have nothing going on in my life or no time for even myself. But it is time to change a lot. Over this past weekend I have been talking to a friend of mine. I have known them for a while but just haven’t had the opportunity to get to know them over the last few years. But we started talking this weekend. I took the chance and told them about the rape. That was hard. Some days I handle it well. Others so far from it.
Why? Why do my feelings on this subject change from time to time. Most days I handle it well other times I just want to sit there and cry my eyes out. I do think I need to start talking about it more. Letting it be a part of me not just something I want to hide anymore.
Sometimes I don’t think I will ever get over it. Never fully accept it. Never sleep through the night. Never let my guard down again. But talking to my friend has really started me thinking. If someone who I am just getting to know sees it as a way to be strong and not a poor Suzie. Why do I see it as poor Suzie. I need to get up and let things go because we all know……